When faced with the age-old dilemma -- when meandering along Interstate 275, do I enjoy the view from my car window, or do I check out the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky? -- the resolution is quite clear: Take Exit 11 and follow signs.
Through the wrought-iron-dinosaur-topped gates was an almost-too-small parking lot in front of a massive glass structure (heretofore referred to as "the museum"). The grounds were quite lovely, though too hot to explore. Plush grass, green trees, and rippling lakes, all quite possibly populated by two of every kind of animal (or at least every kind accepting of the Kentucky climate and unlikely to prey on tourists). A silent bulldozer sat perched on the grass, a reminder of the newness of this creation, all the hand of man.
Inside, I nudged Michael to place bets on the admission price, but he's not the betting kind -- too bad for him, because he would have won, handily. Silly me, I thought it'd be like 10 bucks to get in -- after all, we were in Nowheresville -- but it was closer to $20 (his guess) thanks to the apparently endless supply of Creation Lovers eager to travel far and wide to see this place. (Case in point: The parking lot, home to cars from a good dozen or so different states.)
It took a while to get in -- people in this part of the country are slow-moving and slow-talking -- but once in, we got ourselves on line to see some kind of free show called "Men in White." The line was a good place for people-watching: I got to see many varieties of white folk and even more varieties of Jesus-themed T-shirts. I smoothed down my humidity-induced semi Jewfro and smiled a lot.
The show was actually a movie, and the theater was outfitted with vibrating seats that sprayed water at various key moments. I suppose I could say more about the movie, but all anyone really needs to know about it is: (1) Vibrating seats (2) that sprayed water. (Although if one did want to know more, one could click here.)
After being doused and shook, we needed to eat, so we headed over to the museum's dining spot, Noah's Cafe. I was hoping to see a menu stocked with two of every kind of meat, but sadly I never got to even look at the menu, as the line for this place was quite long -- one quick glance at the blur of hungry white T-shirted Christians and we knew it wasn't gonna happen. But fortunately, Noah also has a snack bar next door, so we hit that up (and once again waited on a super-long line -- these country types sure like to schmooze).
Michael got himself a "hot dogosaurus", and me, I went for the "pizza stick."
FYI, inside that oblong warm white bread, there was some oblong warm white cheese. I declined the butter sauce.
Look how cute my boyfriend is.
He took a picture of me, too.
After being doused, shook, and fed, it was time to check out the exhibits.
When we first went inside, I was too dazzled and bewildered to figure out what the first exhibit was all about -- something with these guys digging up dinosaur bones and exclaiming, "Look how SHINY and NEW these are!" Fun game: See if you can tell apart the mannequins from the tourists.
Some guy in boat shoes pondering Life's Big Questions.
Michael (and some fake children) were also somewhat pensive (yet cheerful).
The reason for the Creation vs. Evolution schism.
From L-R: Isaiah (looking oddly similar to Carl Reiner), Moses, and King David.
The Ten Commandments.
Fast-forward a few thousand years, and apparently the modern world has abandoned the Bible, and instead has embraced graffiti.
Oh, the humanity.
Truth .... whatever.
The modern world is also plagued by mice.
Even the church hath gone to hell.
I also learned that 1/3 of all pregnancies end in abortion, and that 50% of teenage girls have had sex outside of marriage. Such is the modern world.
And the modern world is scary. So next we're taken back to the Garden of Eden.
Or wait, is this a gazelle? I think I need to go back to school.
Adam feeding what no doubt later turned into some kind of snarling predator. Check out Adam's almost-neatly trimmed beard.
A dinosaur eating a pineapple. Of course.
Adam and Eve in a pond. Eve was really shy, I guess. All that hair. And note the coins at the bottom of the pond. I thought wishing was kind of pagan, but guess not.
Adam and Eve, succumbing to temptation.
God locks us out of Eden ...
... and unleashes terrible things upon us ...
... forcing Jews to try to appease God through animal sacrifice ...
... and screwing over women for all eternity.
Meanwhile, a bit of Biblical humor.
Noah builds the ark.
An explanation around plate tectonics.
We are family.
Through a doorway.
I was tempted to buy a T-shirt or something before leaving, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Probably for the best.
Once outside, I was glad to be there. So green, the splendor of the natural wolrd evolving all around me.